Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
