ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
