your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I want her autograph on my taint
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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