At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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