it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
