Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
