if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
