my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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