Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
