Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
