a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
