I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
