i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
