too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
