We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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