Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
