New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
