My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
