She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
as a side note pls kill me
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