there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize