home. puking in laundry basket.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
