Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
