I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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