Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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