We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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