i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
