Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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