so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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