Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
