I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
