You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
