did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
