i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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