I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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