Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
