If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
