nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Come share oat with me in your robe
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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