oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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