You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
