Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
