I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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