just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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