White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
