I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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