you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
