You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize