sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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