; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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