Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
