So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
