I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
