Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
