He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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