So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
