they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
