Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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