so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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