so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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