so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm passing your future prison.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't deserve a penis
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
