I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
