Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
