Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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