never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
