I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
