I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
