It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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