So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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