Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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