I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
