I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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