just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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