Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
