guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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