Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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