3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
