i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
