Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's like heaven, but drunker
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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