My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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